Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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