He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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