I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
