Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
