Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
