hotel room ftw
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
