we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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