I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
