I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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