she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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