Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
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