"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
