He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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