Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
