She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
