Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Can Purell be used as lube?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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