You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I love you. Go after that dick
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