Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
