At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
