just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
