I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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