I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
