Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
