Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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