The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
