DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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