I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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