I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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