Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
