fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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