I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
