who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
