You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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