My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
