i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
