My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
