I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
