I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???