My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend