i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????