You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.