then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
