What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
