its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
pray to the hookup gods
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
