no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
