Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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