Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
