4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
