I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
