I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
