its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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