I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize