I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
