i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We were destined to go to rehab together
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
God, I missed his penis.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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