My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
