i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
