good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
