I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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