FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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