when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
