Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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