I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
