I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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