Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You pole danced in your parka.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
