did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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