just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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