He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
