WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
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Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I deserve this hangover.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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