just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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