i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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