As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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