Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
