i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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