I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
