Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
