Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
