i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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